Dear Dr. Sue:
I have a great opportunity -- the best I've had so far. A top agent is interested in reading my full manuscript, after I've made a deep revision based on his suggestions. He said, "If you can bring the entire novel up to the level of humor you have here, I can do a lot with it: movie deals, multiple book deals, etc. A lot."
When I left the workshop where I met him, I was flying (as you can imagine). I made a revision plan, and I know exactly what the book needs. I know how to make it stronger. I know it's time for me: I have the writing skills, the knowledge about publishing, a rudimentary marketing plan, everything. It's time.
I just can't seem to get the revision done (though I've revised novels before). Two things have happened. One, I started thinking, "be funny, be funny. Have to be funny." As a result, all the funny oozed out of my brain (and not onto the paper!). As soon as I started "studying humor," I forgot how to be funny.
The other is that life got in the way. I've taken a series of emotional blows since then: a theft (several thousand dollars and a hard copy of my manuscript), a big fight with my husband that remains unresolved (we never fight), old aches my parents have stirred up (complex issues that result in my feeling unable to ever measure up). I find myself battling what appears to be depression: none of the things that normally bring me joy have any interest to me right now, and even day-to-day tasks (feed the children, take a shower, do the carpool) seem overwhelming. And now it's summer. Three months of young children underfoot during my writing time.
Revising the novel seems an insurmountable obstacle, and even worse, I can almost hear the clock ticking over my shoulder because the longer I take, the more likely it is that the agent will lose interest.
I feel a little silly writing like this. I'm a smart girl, and I've worked through plenty of issues before. I feel like I should be able to work myself out of this funk (or even better, write my way out of it). But so far, I just haven't been successful, and it gets harder and harder every day to find the energy to even climb the stairs to my office.
Stuck
Dear Stuck:
Let's address your last concern first, since it's a very common one.
There is nothing "silly" about seeking help when you feel overwhelmed. The reason we consulttherapists, counselors, and online advice columnists isn't that we're not smart enough to work through our own issues, but that it's hard to see all of the possible pathways from the middle of the woods. Sometimes an outside expert can provide an aerial view. If it helps, think of us as psychic editors--even the books of the most accomplished writers don't go straight from the computer to the bookshelf, because none of us are fully capable of viewing our work with distance and objectivity.
Second, I think it's important to let yourself off the hook a bit. Writing well is difficult enough in a tranquil, unpressured environment. You are dealing with multiple stressors, any one of which could make it difficult to focus your attention on your work in a sustained way. This is not to say you should give up for now--of course you want to take advantage of this exciting opportunity--but don't up the ante by excoriating yourself for failing to perform perfectly on demand. Remind yourself that a) you have revised successfully before, and can do it again; b) school will start again in a few weeks; c) this agent will most likely still be around, and still interested, when you have completed your revision; and d) even if "c)" is not the case, if your work is of sufficiently high quality to have attracted his interest, chances are good that other agents will be interested, too. So take a deep breath, and as you exhale, try to let go of any self-judgment or negativity.
Third, while some writers might respond with unambivalent glee to the prospect of "movie deals, multiple book deals, etc.," many of us are most comfortable at home, at the computer or between the covers of a good book, and would be disoriented, if not intimidated, by the possibility of being thrust into the spotlight this way. You might want to spend some time exploring what "success" means to you, in your personal and professional life, whether this agent's agenda fits into this vision, and whether you feel ready for this level of exposure--and, if not, what steps you can take to prepare yourself. Remember that even if these offers do eventuate, they are not likely to materialize suddenly or all at once. There will be time to acclimate.
Finally, I would encourage you to explore your responses to authority figures. Your reference to "old aches my parents have stirred up (complex issues that result in my feeling unable to ever measure up)" suggests that the challenge to improve your manuscript to meet the ambiguous standards of a person in power could provoke a complicated and fraught reaction.
The last two issues, if I am indeed inferring accurately, may be difficult to work out on your own, or even with a trusted friend. Again, there is the matter of distance and perspective. I would strongly suggest consulting a professional--not because you are weak or unresourceful, but because, as you say, it's time--and you deserve to make full use of all the tools at your disposal to help you achieve your dream.
Susan O'Doherty, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a New York City-based practice. A fiction writer herself, she specializes in issues affecting writers and other creative artists. Her book, Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: A Woman's Guide to Unblocking Creativity (Seal, 2007) is now available in bookstores. Send your questions to her at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.
'Finally, I would encourage you to explore your responses to authority figures. Your reference to "old aches my parents have stirred up (complex issues that result in my feeling unable to ever measure up)" suggests that the challenge to improve your manuscript to meet the ambiguous standards of a person in power could provoke a complicated and fraught reaction.'
BINGO!
Posted by: amalgamated steel | August 17, 2008 at 04:28 AM
When I was first starting to write, I got an interview with the head writer of a hugely popular TV show. He told me to go home and write funny material for a month and then send the whole month's worth to him. Needless to say, I froze! Nothing funny came to me, and I was so embarrassed I never contacted him again! Now, decades later, I write humor for a living. It is still never easy. But I no longer freeze up. Just make yourself sit down in front of the computer for an hour. You'll be amazed at what comes up. Good luck!
Posted by: Lulu | August 19, 2008 at 04:18 PM