THE DOCTOR IS IN

ON THERAPEUTIC GRANDIOSITY AND THE LIMITATIONS OF DISTANCE AND TIME

The Q&A after my Barnes & Noble reading on Tuesday was especially lively and wide-ranging. At one point, a participant pointed out a huge poster for The Bell Jar that hung near the podium and asked for my thoughts on women artists and suicidal depression.

After dancing around the topic a bit (I emphatically did not want to open up a "debate" on female masochism) I reminded myself that the audience was there because I had written a book emphasizing the importance of authenticity, and plunged in. I said that whatever her psychological or biochemical issues may have been, I believed that Plath's most pressing problems at the time of her death were her marriage to a brilliant narcissist who betrayed and tortured her; her imprisonment in narrowly defined social and professional roles; and a therapeutic environment that did not support ambitious, creative women.

I admitted that when I read biographies of Plath, or Virginia Woolf, or a number of other women writers whose lives ended tragically, I catch myself wishing to travel back in time and save them. They laughed, but it's true.

I'm not alone among therapists in my grandiose desire to alter history. After all, grandiose rescue fantasies are part of what draws many of us into the field to begin with.

With experience, though, we come to recognize and accept our limitations. I can't time-travel. Sometimes, I can't help clients who call or come to see me--because their issues are outside my area of expertise, or because they require more intensive or coordinated care than I can offer as a private practitioner, or simply because I'm the wrong person for them, or this is the wrong time.

I also can't help everyone who writes to me. I love getting email from readers of this column, and, recently, from readers of my book and subscribers to M.J.'s AuthorBuzz program. Usually, even if the questions stump me, I'm happy to hear from such literate, intelligent people, and glad that they are engaged in the creative process.

Some letters, though, are different. Sometimes people write to me about their despair, about behavior veering out of control, or about crippling memories or fears. Sometimes their letters provide hints that they might suffer from ADHD, bipolar disorder, or another treatable problem—but I can’t be sure. I can’t make a diagnosis from an email message.

I write back, urging the writer to seek help and to keep me posted. Most of the time, I never hear from them again. I don’t know whether they received my message.

If you are in pain; if your drinking or drugging is interfering with your home, school, or work life; if you’re in an abusive relationship or haunted by one; or if you feel, for any reason, that life is not worth living; please seek in-person help, from a qualified therapist, NOW. If you don’t have insurance, call your local hospital and ask for a referral to free or low-cost therapy. If you don’t get the help you need—if you’re sent to someone who doesn’t understand your issue, or who is simply wrong for you—keep trying. By all means, if it helps to also write to me, or to read a self-help book, take advantage of these options as well—but remember that they are ancillary. There is no substitute for sitting with an empathetic, knowledgeable person who knows and cares about you (and if your therapist doesn’t care about you, find a different one!) and exploring your struggles together.

Think about Sylvia Plath, about Virginia Woolf, about the countless valuable individuals who succumbed to overwhelming pain because they didn’t have, or couldn’t see, other options. Think about the great works they could have gone on to produce; the loved ones they could have grown old with.

You do have other options. Seek them out. You owe it to yourself, and to your art.

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Susan O'Doherty, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a New York City-based practice. A fiction writer herself, she specializes in issues affecting writers and other creative artists. Her book,  Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: A Woman's Guide to Unblocking Creativity, is now available in bookstores. Send your questions to her at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.