Updated to fix an instance of bizarre syntax pointed out by a kind and tactful reader.
Not Sure I'm an Artist Like the Rest of You
The textbook for my fabulous new Musical Theater class is Uta Hagen's A Challenge for the Actor. In it, she discusses the qualities an artist/actor must possess. According to Hagen:
These endowments consist of high sensitivity and responsiveness to sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, of exceptional sensitivity to others, of being easily moved by beauty and pain, and of having a soaring imagination without losing control of reality...[and] an insatiable curiosity about the human condition.
I've got that part down, except maybe for the losing control of reality bit, but then she goes on to say:
Once one is blessed with these endowments, it takes an unshakable desire to be an actor.
About her own training and preparation, she writes:
Every extra penny was spent on theatre, ballets, operas, and concerts, and I heard and saw many of the great artists of that time. Some of them became my role models, and I was continually reminded by my parents that their achievements were based on dedication and discipline as intense as those required to become a priest or a nun. My developing work ethic sent me rushing from a piano lesson to a modern dance class, back home to read a play, downstairs to hear an opera on the radio, back upstairs to practice making up, finally plopping into bed with satisfied feelings of accomplishment. Or conversely, going to bed with a slightly sick feeling, if I had goofed off or wasted a day and missed a chance to learn or achieve something.
Yikes. I know Hagen herself really was totally devoted to her art. I studied with, and adored, her husband, Herbert Berghof; he, too, lived for the theater.
I have clients and friends who, while they don't take the nun concept to that extreme, base the greater part of their identities and their energy in their art. They love their friends; if they have partners and children they are devoted to them; but they are always writing, drawing, composing, etc., if not in fact, then in their heads. As they wrap up one project, they are plotting the next. If they go through an extended period when they don't practice their art, they feel like they're going crazy.
I've never been like that. I love writing, singing, and acting, but I have never devoted myself to any of these arts exclusively, and I've allowed years, sometimes, to pass without practicing one or another seriously. I love studying and practicing, but I actually forget to submit my work, and I haven't auditioned for anything in over 25 years. I loved playing recorder in early music groups, but when I had the chance to "go pro" I declined. I realized that my enjoyment of the music was just that, not a passion, and that at least half of the joy I derived from playing had to do with interacting with my fellow musicians--not a promising insight for a budding performer.
Undoubtedly, part of this lack of drive is attributable to insecurity. But I am pretty good at pushing past my fear if I want something badly enough. I also have a fairly low tolerance for boredom and drudge work, which is what the business end of any profession tends to entail. Unless you have the discipline to devote yourself to that, you're not likely to get far.
I think the connecting thread is my fascination with exploring and articulating the human experience, especially social interactions. This fascination drives my therapeutic work, my reading and writing, acting and song delivery, and the lightning-quick improvisational exchanges that can reveal so much.
I don't know what this makes me--definitely not someone Hagen would recognize as a serious artist. But I am very serious in my commitment to continuing to learn and grow, and I'm having a blast.
Susan O'Doherty, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a New York City-based practice. A fiction writer herself, she specializes in issues affecting writers and other creative artists. She is the author of Getting Unstuck without Coming Unglued: A Woman's Guide to Unblocking Creativity (Seal, 2007). Her Career Coach column appears every Monday on Inside Higher Ed's Mama, Ph.D. blog, and she is a regular guest panelist on Litopia After Dark. Send your questions to her at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.
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