THE DOCTOR IS IN

Dear Dr. Sue,

I recently got a very  nasty review on Amazon that ended by attacking what I look like in my author photo.

If it wasn't so pathetic it would be funny.

It's not from some reader who picked up my book and didn't like it... that would be fine... it happens... I can deal....  Sadly, it's written by a writer who knows me , and whom I know.

I recognized the writing style and put a few samples of the review into Google and found other things she's written online that show the same specific grouping of words. The way writers put words together - their idiosyncratic combinations - are signatures of sorts.

I've been around the block too many times to be shocked. But I'm chilled that she'd go to these lengths to try to, what - hurt me, turn people off from my books, make me worry, ruin my day?  And I'm angry that the review is up there.

So here's my problem. I can think of so many wonderful ways to retaliate. Tell her agent. Or her publisher. Tell Amazon. Go public in a blog. Do the same thing right back at her.

But I know me and I know I won't do anything. I believe in karma. I can't embarrass her. Except I would like to know from you how to deal with the feelings this has raised in me and what I should do - and what should any author do when confronted with this kind of colleague.

Thanks for your time,
A Writer

Dear Writer:

I followed the link you sent, and I have to agree, that is a very disturbing review.

I also agree that retaliation, however tempting, is not a helpful response. For one thing, you could be wrong about the writer's identity. I know the chances are slim, given your initial suspicions and the confirmation via Google, but innocent people have been pilloried before on the basis of seemingly solid evidence. Even if you're right, what would you accomplish by revealing her perfidy to her agent, her publisher, Amazon, or your blog readers? If her books sell, her agent and publisher aren't going to drop her because she's mean. Amazon may delete the offending review, but that won't stop her from writing more under another name. And outing her on your blog will only give her the satisfaction of knowing she was successful in getting under your skin.

You probably don't need to do anything but hold on to your faith in karma (or the mills of the gods, as my grandmother used to put it). Destructive people don't usually stop at one Amazon review, or one victim. Eventually they turn their weapons on themselves, whether by offending enough people to damage their careers or social lives, or by more direct self-sabotage. Certainly, you won't want to turn your back on this writer again, and you may wish to warn trusted mutual friends of your suspicions, but beyond that, I would advise taking the high road and allowing circumstances to work themselves out.

This approach, as you suggest, may be mature and ethical, and even practical, but it is likely to leave you with unresolved feelings of anger and resentment, the normal responses to an unfair assault. To deal with these, I would suggest a two-phase process of catharsis and release.

First the catharsis: Go ahead and write those exposés. Make them as angry, and even vicious, as you feel moved to do. Don't stop at describing this particular offense; detail any other slights or injuries you have suffered at her hands. Eviscerate her appearance, mannerisms, and writing style if this affords you any relief.

When you're done, save the documents for a day or two. Then pull them up, add any details that have occurred to you, and print them out. Delete the files--imagining that you are deleting her behavior--and dispose of the hard copies in a way that feels fitting--burning them, shredding them, or burying them, for example. 

This should take care of the catharsis part. The trouble with stopping there is that it's hard to do--revenge, even when it's imaginary, often feels so satisfying that we can get stuck in this phase. For this reason, it is useful to move on to releasing your anger.

Sit in a quiet place where you won't be interrupted. Visualize this writer's face, or pull up her author photo and scrutinize it. Imagine that she is a character in a novel you are writing, and construct a motivational biography for her, using both the facts you have and your writer's imagination. Try to identify experiences that might have contributed to a mind-set that would impel her to stab a colleague in the back. Meditate on what it might feel like to carry around such a restless and negative attitude. Try to summon up some empathy for such an unhappy character, without minimizing the hurt she is capable of inflicting.

Then, still looking at her image, say out loud three times, "I release you. You no longer have power over me." Feel the last of your anger and hurt drain out of your psyche. Then release her image and go on with your life, glad that it's yours and not that of an unhappy and spiteful character.

My next column will appear January 9. Enjoy your holidays, and see you in the new year.

Susan O'Doherty, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a New York City-based practice. A fiction writer herself, she specializes in issues affecting writers and other creative artists. Her book,  Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: A Woman's Guide to Unblocking Creativity (Seal, 2007) is now available in bookstores. Send your questions to her at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.

 

Comments

[another writer]

This is incredibly disturbing, but it might help A Writer to realize that the person who wrote that review surely is not happy or content, otherwise he or she would not have had to be so begrudging about another's writer's success, Remember, too, the best revenge is living well and being happy and keeping yourself in your own state of grace.

[Richard Grayson]

Amazon will probably remove the review on their own but certainly will if anyone complains.

I tried writing nasty reviews of my own books on Amazon (using made-up names when you could do that) just for fun. I attacked my ethics, my appearance, my sexual orientation, my politics and not least of all, my writing style, in what I thought was only slightly overboard.

They quickly removed them all.

Since my books don't get many reviews, I offer myself to all readers who would like to dispel anger and resentment. Please go on Amazon and write nasty things about me.

If you need suggestions, I'll be happy to provide them.

Seriously (and, yes, the above is serious too), if you are sensitive to criticism by any idiot with a computer, don't read Amazon reviews of your book. I teach college, and I will never read those "rate my professor" sites because I know that any criticism will depress me and that any praise will not do me any good.

Who cares what any person with a computer thinks anyway?

I do think it is funny if it is another author, though. Perhaps she was trying to do you a favor by creating controversy?

As my Grandma Sylvia used to say, "Every knock is a boost!"

[Jessa Slade]

Ouch. No writer -- like no radio personality -- deserves to have their PHOTO mocked. I'm thin-skinned, so I will take this advice to heart for someday use.

[rah]

One of the greatest gifts of being a writer is that we have a creative way to find catharis, right within our own art. You could take the idea of using this person as a character in fiction and actually write and publish, or post, a story about them (with certain identifying details changed, of course). Or you could write a blog entry that speaks to the general concepts of creative envy, the bitterness that must be at the heart of anonymous critiques, etc. That way you can both speak your mind and offer your own creative wisdom to others. And if the author of the review approaches you and says "was that directed at me?" you can always answer, "why- does the shoe fit?"

[Anonymous]

The review sounds like it might violate Amazon's review guidelines, in which case it can be reported and removed from Amazon. One violation is "Comments focusing solely on the actors, directors, authors, or artists."

See guidelines here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=14279631#reviewguidelines

I would suggest reporting the review. Amazon will determine whether or not it is appropriate. If they deem it is not, the reviewer will be censured, the issue will not be blown out of proportion, and you will be vindicated that this review is invalid.

[Richard Grayson]

I still think it's a good strategy to think the best of people. Again, perhaps your friend thought she was doing you a kindness by writing a review so nasty - I trust Dr. Sue and you on this - that it would either create controversy or a backlash or both, helping to get more interest in your work, sell more books and enrich and gratify you.

It is not unknown for friends, with good intent, to create internet personae to viciously attack other friends that they want to help out in this way.

Some recent online controversies over books and authors have been completely manufactured by conspirators in this manner.

The scheme works better if the recipient of the "gift" of controversy is unaware of the apparently traitorous friend's generosity.

[Richard Grayson]

P.S. That is what "buzz, balls and hype" is all about!

[Alex]

I hate it when writers aren't nurturing, it's so frustrating, if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all :-(