The Doctor is In

Friday + Dr. S O'D = Writer's Therapy

I sometimes give workshops and seminars in my Brooklyn Heights office on topics of interest to writers. If you would like to be notified about upcoming events, email me at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.

Dear Dr. Sue,

How do I deal with professional jealousy -- mine and that of my fellow novelists? It seems that no matter how successful a writer is, by the various measures one uses to measure success, there is also something more that he or she wanted and didn't get. Sometimes it is hard to be thrilled for a nice person when a prize you thought you had a good chance of winning goes to a book you know in your heart is inferior to yours. It goes both ways. Sometimes, too, there is a feeling of curdled warmth coming at you when your own book garners a great review or wins some recognition.

This is all very hard to talk about among writers but it is on everyone's mind.

Reasonably Successful Novelist

Dear Reasonably,

Over the course of evolution, many species have developed pecking orders. This is a way to create stability and security within a community. One animal serves as the agreed-on leader, and the rest fall into a structure dictated, depending on the species, by size, strength, or function. In some species this order is challenged by the upwardly mobile, but at any given moment each member knows its place, and is able to go about its business without constantly questioning where it belongs in the world.

We humans appear to have inherited the pull to establish pecking orders, but without the benefit of a shared standard of superiority. This problem is evident in all professions. However, when an engineer designs a bridge, a mathematician solves an equation, or a woodworker builds a table, there are measures of success that are not dependent on taste, such as how well the construction holds up. As you are aware, this is not the case with writing.

If prizes were given for the longest novel, or the one with the biggest words, we could all agree on who should win. As it stands, however, there is no universally accepted answer to the question of which story, novel, or article is “the best,” or even what constitutes quality. Some feel that the book that sells the most copies is the best; others, that excellence should be judged by “experts”—academics, professional critics, or fellow writers who have been determined to be “the best” in some other contest. Thus, we are pitted against friends and colleagues for a piece of a fairly small pie, the distribution of which is determined by people to whose values and critical judgment we may not subscribe. The wonder is not that jealousy exists among writers, but that we don’t rip one another’s throats out.

Accept that envy is a natural part of this life, and don’t judge yourself. When a nice person wins an award that you deserved, write a scathing review of the prizewinning book. Then rip it up, flush it down the toilet, and congratulate your friend with all the enthusiasm you would hope for if the prize were yours. When the tables are turned, understand that your colleagues may need to go through the same process. Do not, under any circumstances, disparage your gift to appease less successful writers. To do so is to degrade the art of writing, impoverishing us all.

Susan O’Doherty, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a New York City-based practice. A fiction writer herself, she specializes in issues affecting writers and other creative artists. Her book,  Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: Outsmarting Obstacles to Living a Creative Life, will be published by Seal Press this spring and is now available for pre-ordering. Send your questions to her at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.

Comments

[T]

Great answer, Dr. Sue. Everybody struggles with this, but we're all afraid to admit it.

[yogi novella]

for another answer to the question of dealing with envy between writers, parents and their writing children, as well as siblings:
http://bksp.org/secondarypages/
hendlin/005.htm

[Katharine Weber]

Thanks for this, Sue. It's inportant for writers to be able to own our feelings abotu an issue like this and not just shove them out of sight.