Susie Bright's Summer Not Reading List

Susie Bright -- in her own words is " an author, editor, performer, sex guru, teacher, mom, seamstress, pumpkinhead." She's also an amazing friend and has a weekly audio show "In Bed With Susie Bright". - MJR

Books I WON’T be Reading This Summer  -- By Normally Loveable Bookworm, Susie Bright

It's My Turn Now by  Mary “Burn Down the Log Cabin” Cheney

It's Mary's turn now, to shoot you in the back.

It's Mary's whim, to open the famous family potty mouth and curse anyone who ever had the courage to make a difference. It's Mary's chance, to prop up a national disgrace.

The Cheneys have their nerve. Here's a gal who used to hawk Coors beer at Mr. Leather Contests in gay bars across the country and groomed herself into a shill for one of the most corrupt figures in American history... well, that takes balls. It also takes a disturbed liar to write a memoir about a perfect nurturing life with mum and dad.  Too bad I'm not buying it.

How To Make Love Like a Porn Star   by  Jenna Jameson and Neil Strauss

To be fair, I was mailed three complimentary copies of this ghost-written memoir of a young woman who was known to virtually no one a year or two ago. I’m sorry to have to bite the hand that fed me.

Of all the blonde porn stars who deserved to be household names, I was flabbergasted that Jenna got picked. Her performances are neither terrible nor bewitching; her charisma is just not THERE. To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, she’s the Oakland of porn stars.

We do not learn how to "make love," in Jenna's book, "like a porn star" or anyone else.  I did learn how you can nurse a methamphetamine addiction at various levels, for years and years. If she or her publisher had written a honest book about that, it would have beena lot more interesting.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money--That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!     by Robert T. Kiyosaki and  Sharon L. Lechter

Here's what rich dads tell their kids: “Son, because of compound interest, inherited wealth, and our traditional indifference to social justice, you will never have to work a day in your life. Entitlement belongs to you!”

Here's what middle class dads have to say: “Strive, strive, strive.  Marry rich. We are one credit card away from unmitigated disaster.”

And the poor: “Time ain't money when all you got is time.”

The idea that grotesque wealth disparity exists because of what daddy says at the dinner table makes me wanna throw up.

The South Beach Diet: The Delicious, Doctor-Designed, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss    by Arthur Agatston

I won't be purchasing the North, East, or West Beach Diet book either. I will never buy a diet book as long as I live. They are parasites upon the body of female intelligence.

The Da Vinci Code        by Dan Brown

In my grand tradition of Harry Potter-Abstentia, I will once again slide right by a title that has been over-publicized. 

I will not see the movie. I will dig my heels in and pretend to not even know the subject. "Is it about ‘Painting By Numbers’?"

This is the one category of non-reads I feel guilty about. I have missed some good books. I almost didn't read Memoirs of a Geisha, but luckily someone got it to me in time.

Once a book crosses a certain level of commercial hype, I turn against it and nothing will make me pick up a copy. Quick, find me the next big thing before I become anesthetized!