The Doctor is In

Every Friday I turn my blog into a therapist's office and invite Dr. Sue to offer up writerly advice. Today's entry is of particular interest to me as it has to do with the conflict between marketing & publicity and our creative souls. If you have questions for the good doctor, please write to her at Dr.Sue at mindspring.com

From Dr. Sue: I occasionally give workshops and seminars in my Brooklyn Heights office on topics of interest to writers. If you would like to be notified about upcoming events, email me at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.

Dear Dr. Sue,
I’m finding myself a victim of myself. I know this might be a strange way of putting it, but it actually feels that way. That is, the real perpetrator, the true “problem in the way,” the person who is getting obnoxious, pushy, and self-serving is unequivocally me. Or if I can call “her” my “other” it might express the issue more clearly.

Some history:  All my life I have taken pride in the ways I have denied and controlled my need for people to tell me my work is terrific I have resisted the ubiquitous self-promoting and self-advertising habits around me. Nurtured on anti-capitalism during the Vietnam war, film-makers like Godard, and thinkers like Susan Sontag , I found the Reagan era and the dominance of business before art and other values was painful for me. I had hoped the easy aggression of younger writers, who hadn’t been part of the 60’s and 70’s, would simply wear out and go away. We would go back to more of an art for art’s sake, experimental world.

What happened, as everyone knows, is just the opposite.  Soon trustworthy, good people--people who were true both to their writing and to the realization that they had to participate in the business to survive as writers, along with media experts like MJ, who showed that it is possible to promote one's work with dignity and restraint--caused me to re-evaluate what self-promotion was and how it might not involve a sacrifice of integrity but, instead, help get my work out in a world that had changed so rapidly.


Then I published a novel. My own.  And that was when my “other” emerged.  I thought I had locked her down  in the basement for good, for life, this part of myself who was just as bad as (if not worse than) all the ambitious maniacs around me. I thought I had suppressed and disciplined and punished her with jail time and taught her never to come out and show herself in public.  I wanted to hold on to the idealism that fueled my work to begin with, and I wanted to, like a good nun, stay celibate against the seductive delights of the masturbatory narcissism that became so prevalent in the 1980’s. I didn’t let myself feel a need for getting publicity, approval, and (horrors!) business deals.
   
What happened? I have watched myself and I can’t stop this “other” anymore. She is loose. Nor can I push her down.  Partly the problem is this: I fear if I don't do the things that so repulsed me before I will hurt my book. It's kind of like having a child and I'm the mother who has to go and make sure that child has a fair chance in the world. And believe me, once you publish a book you'll be amazed how much you'll feel that need.

Then, of course, on a deeper level, I was asking who the enemy really was. Was my “other,” the appearance of all that I dreaded, the real enemy after all?  I think you always despise in others what is most despicable in yourself, projecting that quality onto everyone you can.

It's a different world from the one I grew up in, true--but even then, back in the 1960’s and 70’s, the loudest voice was usually the one recognized. As we think often not of the countless students who worked for the end of the war, but of the celebrities who claimed ideological triumph later. It’s life, it’s what happens. Is it time to grow up?

I was going to call this letter: When the Dark Evil Twin Comes to Visit, or: the Other Self, the big “N” (for narcissist). I am sure this all might read as very silly and stupid and whining to others but it’s serious for me. So I thought I’d throw it out into the forum. Maybe other writers are feeling they need to tame the beast inside, too, or have had their ideals crushed in the kind of sink-or-swim literary life we all have to lead these days.  Thank God I can stay anonymous though! And thank you for reading and responding to this!

Lapsed Idealist

Dear Idealist:

Congratulations on the publication of your novel. This is truly a life-altering event, and a certain amount of self-questioning is normal and probably inevitable.

I agree that the current climate of aggressive self-promotion is problematic, both for our culture as a whole and for individuals who are caught up in the confusion between celebrity and accomplishment. Many serious writers, especially women, were weaned on the belief that self-promotion is crass, and that the quality of the work determines the degree and kind of attention it receives. It is a rude shock to discover that our choices are either to promote our work or watch it sink, and even more disturbing to observe the enthusiasm with which we are willing to jump into the bloody fray.

It sounds as though you feel you have gone over to the Dark Side. I don't see your situation as quite so dire.

Humans are social beings. Compared to other animals, we have extended childhoods, during which we are dependent on our parents or other adults for successful physical and emotional development. As much as we might wish that our parents were mind-reading supernurturers, attuned and accommodating to our every need, this is rarely, if ever, the case. An infant who doesn't cry when hungry is less likely to be fed. Schoolchildren seldom make the connection between school performance and life success; they perform for the approval of parents and teachers. 

Children seek attention for its own sake. If positive attention is not forthcoming, they will misbehave in order to garner the negative kind, because for them, attention is like sunlight to a heliotropic plant; they can't thrive without it. For a mature adult, it is a means to an end. In your case, the end is selling your book. Since it is clear from your letter that you are intelligent, introspective, and exacting, it is a safe bet that you have written a serious book about a topic of great importance to you. It makes sense that you would now want to bring your work before the public. In addition, like many writers, you relate to your book as to a beloved child and feel moved to ensure that it receives its share of the limelight. As you point out, experts like MJ are showing authors how to do this without compromising their integrity or artistic standards.

Healthy and appropriate self-promotion can, of course, veer off into pathological narcissism. It sounds as though you are worried that this is happening to you. If you feel a burning need to draw attention to yourself, rather than to your book, or if you find yourself unable to engage with anyone's work or life but your own, you may indeed have some issues to work on, possibly stemming from your ambivalence about promoting your work at all, and from having locked your "other" in the basement for all these years. Your revulsion at others' self-promotion may, as you suggest, be proportionate to the degree to which you have suppressed your own need for attention.

Try thinking of your "other," not as an evil beast, but as a frightened and needy child. Rather than relegating her to the basement, you may need to reassure her even as you restrain her.

Consult a professional if you truly feel out of control in this area. But don't be too hard on yourself. You are under intense pressure to perform in unfamiliar and uncomfortable arenas, and it will take time to work out the level of participation that is right for you.

Susan O’Doherty, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a New York City-based practice. A fiction writer herself, she specializes in issues affecting writers. Send your questions to her at Dr.Sue at mindspring dot com.

Comments

[Eric]

Excellent post! What great timing! Yesterday I was talking about how creative people hate marketing:

http://www.redchurch.com/quantum/2006/04/do-creative-people-hate-marketing.html

Reading the doctor's advice inspired a new post to further address the issue.

http://www.redchurch.com/quantum/2006/04/obscurity-is-incompetence.html

[Dr.Sue]

Thanks, Eric! And thanks, too, for linking to your very interesting blog.

[Kate Maloy]

Dr. Sue, you never fail to find the crux. Your whole discussion of this writer's problem is wise, but this--

"If you feel a burning need to draw attention to yourself, rather than to your book, or if you find yourself unable to engage with anyone's work or life but your own, you may indeed have some issues to work on...."

--gives her a clear and manageable way to assess her condition. And I love that you advise her not to be so punishing toward her Other but to treat that aspect of herself with kindness.

[T]

Wonderful as always, Dr. Sue. As someone who hates to promote myself, it's good to hear that it doesn't have to be evil, and there are acceptable ways to do it.

[Jeri]

Dr. Sue, your delineation between promoting the work and promoting oneself really struck home.

I actually find marketing to be an enjoyable creative outlet, as long as it focuses on the book itself. What unnerves me is the self-promotion end--putting myself out there for examination. I secretly suspect that I have nothing interesting to say outside of what I've already written in the book. Writing is not all that different from acting in that respect; plenty of actors are very shy in real life but have no problem appearing before thousands when pretending to be someone else.

[patry]

As I recently learned in MJ's Buzz Your Book class, marketing is also a creative activity. In the end, it's what you bring to it. Really effective promotion involves learning to support other writers and become part of a community.

Nor does promotion have to be anathema to ideals. On the contrary, the novel and its marketing can--and has--opened a window on any number of important social issues.

[Dr.Sue]

Thank you so much, Kate and T.

Jeri, I appreciate your acting analogy. As you point out, promoting the book keeps the focus on the work, where it should be.

Patry, great point. I look forward to reading more about your experiences in the world of buzz.