Natalie R. Collins' Backstory

When I was six years old, I stared down the barrel of a rifle, and lived to tell about it. It colored my life for years, and still does affect me in so many ways. The day a man held me, my sister, and two of our friends at gunpoint changed all of us. He told us to take off our clothes. We refused. He said he was going to kill us. We still refused. Then he told us to run. If we looked back, he would kill us. I will always remember the crr---acck of the rifle he shot into the air to prove to us how serious he was.

Today, I never let my children go out into the world without warnings about how dangerous it is. I worry that my paranoia will affect them, but today’s world is even more dangerous than the one I lived in at age six. How can I not worry about their futures? How can I not worry about the barrel of that gun, and its proximity to their bodies?

And I wonder about our stance--our refusal to remove our clothes. As young Mormon children, we were taught our bodies were sacred, and that you should go to your death defending your chastity. Even at such a young age, that mantra had been drilled into our heads. Defend your virtue. Sad, that a six-year-old child would be forced to do so. But we were, and what if he hadn’t backed down? What then?

Later, after the police were called and an investigation started, we learned the perpetrator was a troubled man in his early twenties, just married, and my parents were convinced, by their local church authorities, to drop the charges because he had just gotten his life back on track.

Maybe he was back on track, but my life would never be the same. It was a painful time, and when I wrote, I avoided it. Why address it? It was the past. But I have always been a writer, and I had to write. About six years ago I finally made myself sit down and write the novel I knew I was capable of writing. It was about polygamy, and although I knew a lot about it, it wasn’t directly touching my life. But I was angry about a young sixteen-year-old girl who was severely beaten by her father because she wouldn’t marry and have sex with her uncle, his brother. Despite the fact SISTERWIFE was modeled after the Kingston clan, Tom Green, and the FLDS polygamist group in Southern Utah, I couldn’t sell the book. It seemed, as one agent said, “outlandish.” Just a few years later it became very obvious it was terribly real, and totally thinkable, and, in fact, happening every day in Utah.

I wrote another fiction manuscript that had no ties to Mormonism, and that was not set in Utah, and had absolutely no luck selling that one, either. But one of the agents who read SISTERWIFE, my first novel, liked my writing style, and asked if I had ever thought about writing my memoirs. I toyed with the idea a bit, looking back on my life growing up as a young Mormon girl raised in a strict patriarchal household. I realized, however, that while sometimes interesting, great stretches of my life are not terribly unique, and I knew I could write a better story using fiction. Oh, and my parents had a nervous breakdown at the thought I would write about my family, and my life. I guess no one really wants to see his or her history, warts and all, penned down for all the world to read.

The life-shattering event that I will always remember, the gun pointed at me, became the starting point of the novel WIVES AND SISTERS.

At this same time, I happened upon the story of a young girl who was abused at the age of six by a teenage boy in her local ward. The mother of the victim—a divorcee—was convinced by her bishop to drop all charges against the girl’s abuser, and let the Church handle the discipline. The boy went on to abuse again, the girl became a dysfunctional adult, and the mother sued the Church—only to lose her appeals in front of an all-Mormon, all-male Utah Supreme Court. This, unfortunately, is not a unique story in Utah’s closed society. I can recount many similar stories. But no one ever talks about them. There is a huge stigma attached to writing about controversial subjects, and the backlash can be huge. But I felt the story needed to be told, the system needs to be reformed, and LDS authorities need to stop hiding behind the mantle of “protect the Church at all costs.”

I knew that I would feel the sting of the backlash, and I did. I get lots of hatemail, even today, and rather than let it bother me, I take a different tack. Using humor, I choose to spotlight the emails I receive and let people know the methods used by faithful Mormons to try and bring a dissident “sister” back into line. Interestingly enough, along the way I’ve also discovered some really awesome Mormons who are only living their lives the best way they know how, and really only want to share that way with others. It’s a journey I do not regret at all.

Wives and Sisters is Natalie R. Collins' second novel.

Comments

[Allison Brennan]

I *know* you in cyberspace, but never knew the story behind WIVES AND SISTERS. Reading it makes the book come more alive for me; thanks for sharing!

[Natalie R. Collins]

Thanks, Allison. And thanks to MJ for the backstory idea--brilliant!--and for letting me share your blogspace.

[MATTHEW ROSE]

Fantastic idea, the story behind the story. I'm impressed with the quality of fear and horror here. I, too have had guns pointed at me (but it was my brother point it, and he wasn't threatening me per se), but I can see how that quickly and forever makes a person out of you. I'm thinking now how many of these stories are being forged in the souls of children from New Orleans and the Gulf States, or in Iraq, Afghanistan, and just today in Beirut... heck, everywhere... I suppose the difference between experience and story is the keen synthesis, the alchemy of words and memory... Anyway... thanks for this.

Best,

MATTHEW ROSE
PARIS, FRANCE

P.S. I don't have a published novel, but I do have something called PLAN B. It's pretty out there. Take a look if you like.

[Dorothy]

I know Natalie from a few groups, also, so I know of her story somewhat, but not all. Amazing woman and a wonderful writer.

[cori]

I read the book Wives and Sisters and found Natalie a fine writer. Like Natalie I too was born and raised in the LDS Church but I am assuming our personal experiences growing up were so different. Natalie does bring “authenic color and voice” to her character Allison who is very angry and expoitive. I have emailed Natalie to find out if she, like her character Allison came from an abusive family background and felt “forced” to go to church. I haven’t heard back from her yet. I don’t have the same views towards the LDS church or their leaders as does Natalie. All of the Bishops and leaders donate their time without being paid. This is on top of their full time jobs. I am sure like any human being that some of the leaders or Bishops have made mistakes in a judgement call but I do not see that any LDS leader or member would cover up for someone that is abusing a child or breaking the law as does Natalie represents in her writings. A lot of the LDS perception in Natalie’s book is HER perception. I personally have only experienced positive and good things in the LDS church in my 36 years as a member.